The Samurai sword incident..

One night I was working, a guy came up to me and my mate on the door, and complained that there was a guy in the toilets, trying to stand over everyone.
Me and my mate go downstairs to see what is going on.

There is an islander guy standing by the urinals, and he is standing over a white boy. My doorman mate walks up to the white boy and asks him whether he is okay, the white boy asks if we can get his wallet back. The islander guy then tries to pretend that him and the white boy are friends.

Fail.

So my mate starts to escort the islander guy outside, and I walk in front of them. Just before we get to the door, the islander guy stops suddenly. He looks back at the doorman and tries to throw an elbow, my mate moves back, and drops him with one shot.

So, now we end up dragging tough guy outside the club.

Now, this guy gets back up and starts yelling out all sorts of bullshit, takes his shirt off, and starts causing a commotion. By this time, all his friends are outside, and they are looking like they want to cause some trouble.

The thing with being on the doors, if one of us gets into a fight, we are all down, like depression lol

It gets to the point where trouble is inevitable, no matter how much we tried to calm the situation. So they end up  asking for a one on one around the corner. Luckily its the end of the night, so my mate is annoyed by this time, and just says "fuck it"

As we go around the corner, everyone forms a circle, me and the doorman spread ourselves out and stand next to one of the other guys mates, to make sure no one jumps in.

I look at the guy, and say to him, "Honestly, you don't have to prove anything to anyone, you can just walk away, and everything will be sweet"

He looks at me and starts swearing in English and Tongan. So I walk to my bouncer and mate and tell him "Just try not to hurt him too much"

They start circling around, when suddenly a car pulls up and a large islander guy jumps out. This large islander guy is the Tongan guys older brother. He looks at one of my friends who happened to be wearing his long work jacket and starts yelling abuse. Even starts to call my mate a cop.

The guy he is abusing is my doorman's younger brother. This islander guy then yells "Fuck, I got something for your ass"
He walks to the back of his car and pops the trunk.

Here I was thinking that he is going to pull out a gun or some shit like that. Instead he pulls out a police torch and looks at us like its an ultimate weapon. His friends and boys start cheering like a pack of bitches, while me and the doorman look at him like "You serious???" Their group of friends start getting rowdy like they won a championship.

At this point my doorman's brother starts getting angry and yells out at them "Are you ready to die??"

I swear to GOD this is all true.

The doorman's brother, pulls out from his jacket.. a fucking samurai sword.

Suddenly every single one of the Tongan friends turn from Thug Life.. to Bitch asses.

The doorman's brother steps forwards and takes the sword out of its sheath. At this point, me and the rest of the doorman's faces look at our mate like "...aaaaaayyyyeeeeeee???"

He steps forward, and actually swings the sword at the guy. At this point, EVERYONE runs away. They were running so fast, they were like Kenyans on a track field.. Out of here.

Gets worse, a paddy waggon starts coming down the main road, and we all bolt. I ran like 10 meters, then just started walking (to try and blend in hahaha not because I was tired :/  )

As I'm walking back 15 Min's later, a group of cops pull me to the side, and ask me what I'm doing. I explain I just finished work. The cop looks at me, and asks me,

"Did you see anyone running around High Street with a samurai sword?"

I just laughed and replied

"Nah, I didn't see anyone, who comes to town with a samurai sword?"

The cop agrees, we have a laugh and we go our separate ways.

Who comes to town with a samurai sword?? Well, apparently my mate does :)

My own fails.

Just because I laugh at others fails, I guess I need to be able to laugh at my own fails.

So here is me, cleaning out my closet (well, only half of it)

There was this one club I was escorting out, a guy who had stolen a bottle from behind the bar, There were two levels in the club. As I'm escorting the patron down the stairs, I didn't notice the glass on the ground.

I stood on the glass, and went rolling down all two levels of stairs. To make matters worse, the guy tries to run away into the club, so I start to chase him.

I end up chasing him out the front door, and he jumps over the ropes. So here I am, thinking I'm the shit, I try to jump over the ropes as well.

As I jump over, my foot gets caught on the rope.I land face first into a puddle. 

The line for the club starts laughing, I quickly walk inside laughing at myself hahaha I felt so embarrassed and I had also winded myself. I hid in the club for the rest of the night. Fail on the front door hahhaha

A few years later, I'm working at this bar where a drunken male, was denied entry. He stands there, and tries to bait me into fighting him. Starts abusing me, threatening me, swearing at me, everything he could think of. We end up having an altercation.
We are around the corner from the club's front doors, when he tries to tackle me. As he does this, I grab him from around the waist, lift him up, and throw him towards a window. He goes flying through the window, but as he is flying, he reaches out and grabs my pants.

As he lands, he pulls on my pants. I hear a loud rip, and to my horror, he has ripped my dress pants right off. 

So I'm standing there, in my work shirt, and boxers, with him lying in a pool of broken glass, and my pants. There is also a large crowd around me. 

I walked back to the door, and quickly went home and got changed. I felt like the biggest idiot right then, and i remember having cold legs hahaha Thank god, I wear boxers hahahaha  The walk from the broken to window, felt like a walk of shame. Even though everyone was cheering on from the fight, others were laughing at the big islander walking down the street in his boxers, dress shoes and work shirt hahaha Like a BOSS hahaha

Don't judge me, your not Jesus lol

So when you people, do stupid things that you think will make people judge you, who cares. Be able to look at yourself, your failures, and just laugh..

Example, if you are a slut in the club, laugh at yourself. We are laughing at you too lol



Eti RedScarf

Fight club

Fight Club Part 1


A dirty side to night clubbing is the fights that break out. To be honest, they don't pay you ENOUGH to get involved with fights. Most nights, I really wish people would just chill and relax. As a healthy alternative to having a fight, just go home and have angry sex or an angry wank. If you got issues, you need tissues lol. Why can't we all just get along?

But honestly, we all know at least one person that deserves a good hiding…

At one door I was working at, a particular Shortland Street actor came to the door with his friends. They were all too drunk, so I kindly denied them. They were sweet with it, and continued on their way. Moments later, a taxi van pulled up to the front door, and the driver opened his door.

The driver was looking for a Shortland Street actor and his friends, who had just jumped his cab and didn’t pay their fare. I looked at the driver, and realized he was my uncle. I told him that I had just seen them and that I would help him find them.

I ran around the corner where I last saw their group, and started to chase the group. I followed them down a side street and then into a Japanese restaurant. The chefs and waiters all looked shocked, I said I was looking for a man who ran in here to hide. They all pointed to their back area. As they followed me, we entered the back area, and the Shortland street actor, was hiding on top of a pile of boxes.

I dragged him out of the restaurant and growled him for not paying his cab fare, and for making me run after him (I was really out of breath haha). He started off by trying to call me his brother. Then he admitted they had money, but thought they would be a smart ass and just run from paying. I called my uncle and told him to come to the street I was at. It was only a $20 fare, but he ended up paying much more. I was so angry I also took his phone (which was REALLY shit) and threw it down the drain.

I know i should of called the proper authorities and let them deal with it, but like I said, we all know someone that deserves a good hiding. (Just because he deserved it, doesn't mean he got one though lol)

I saw him a few times after that at different clubs. I always made a point of smiling at him and EVERYTIME he would stare elsewhere lol

Another time at the club, two groups of girls were fighting. One group were pretty girls, and the other group were big angry islander girls. As the fight continued we rushed in to try and stop it.

A police paddywagon had just pulled up in front of the club, and cops piled out, running towards the fight.

Just as that was happening, one of the bigger (and uglier) girls grabbed the hot girls dress and pulled it over her head. The hot girl was wearing this Victoria’s Secret type lingerie. I stopped in my tracks, and was shocked (admittedly staring in awe) lol. I looked at the cops and they had stopped too, and were also staring in awe at this hot girl, kicking ass, in lingerie Hahaha
After I talked to the cop about the incident, we both had a good laugh. I looked at the cop and asked him 

"How was it trying to stop the fight while having a boner?"

 The cop shook his head and walked away lol Slut.

I suggest you should be a lover, not a fighter. But when I say lover… some of you people hear slut.

A fight broke outside in our line, and we all jumped in to try and separate the groups. One girl took her heel off and tried to crack one of the doormen's head. As she went to swing, another one of the bouncers grabbed her, and lifted her up.
I started laughing, because as she was struggling, at the same time, she was giving the doorman, the good old "sexy eyes". She was still struggling, and growling, but at the same time, she was looking at him like she wanted to rape him.
As we calmed down the situation, the girl then started talking to us, and asking whether the bouncer who had grabbed her, was single. hahahaha Goes to show, sluts can strike... ANYTIME lol.



So next time, before you want to throw down, and have a fight, remember my wise words.


Change your life, slut.




Eti Redscarf


P.S While you are off fighting, my doormen mates are the type to run to your girlfriend and see if she is alright hahaha Arms around her shoulders, trying to “protect” her. #CockBlockinU

Things people say on the door..

First off, I don't want people thinking that I'm so up myself. Or that I power trip on the door. You don't get any power trip at all, if anything, you get abused most of the night, and have people swear at you. People are often quite rude.  Then when people abuse you for not letting them in, they still expect to come inside? Or you get the people you politely deny, then they look at you and get angry. Start saying shit like "I thought we were boys" blah blah blah
Girls do the same, they start to give you attitude, and try and tell you how to do your job.

How about I get drunk, and come into your work, and tell you how to do your job?

Working at a night club, is just a job, just because I say "No" Don't take it personal. I'm still a nice person hahaha (So many people right now are thinking, Eti, your'e an asshole)

Why do people come up to the door and be rude dudes? Some guys stand there, not standing IN the line, but right in my line of sight and give me puppy eyes. I mean, guys giving puppy eyes, what are you? Bitches? lol

If we cool, we cool, and its all good to come up and talk to me. You know we are cool if I greet you openly, laugh with you, have bit of a yarn. Which is most of you. But then you have, the others.

Others, try and just walk straight through whilst skipping the line. When we kindly reply, there is a line, they even say stupid shit like

"Do you know who I am?"

EVERY time I hear this, I wonder, whether they walked around town, getting into places by saying that. That line makes you look like wanker. If you know you say this, please, jab yourself. Then run into an oncoming car while you have a boner.

I have my fair share of islander guys trying to talk to you like your brothers, because your brown as well. And when you kindly decline them, everyone starts to puff up their chest.To all the fail islanders with their Dragon ball Z hair cuts, with tops that look like a lady blouses, and there stupid tight jeans,

Change your life. Then change your pants. Slut.

Fitted jeans on a guy is cool, but if you weigh over 100kgs, especially if you floating round 120, you and your fat legs should not be wearing tight jeans. Guys, if your big boys, no one wants to see you in your tight shit. Jeans so tight, when your walking round, you can see every time your bum clenches ha ha

Then you have the white boys that you hear talking perfectly fine before they walk up to you, and then they put on a hory accent when they talk to you. Like their English is suddenly broken. Don't insult my intelligence, just talk normally. English was my first language. Then Samoan. I'm also fluent in the language called "Don't give a fuck". I usually speak that language with sign language.(Middle finger at you bitch)

So guys if you get rejected, just go to another bar. Don't look at me so hard. I hope your'e not going to go home and have a crank while thinking of my face. (Crank or Cranking, is when you have cry while having a wank at the same time)

A girl accused me of being racist on the weekend, saying it was the reason I wouldn't let her. I'm not racist, I just hate your ugly ass. The club owner is WHITE, and I have a lot of white friends.Plus I love white bread, whitebait, white t shirts and of course white people. One patron was arguing with us on the door, saying we were racist for not letting him in. I was working at night club that played house music (predominantly a white crowd). The club owner was outside and heard the guy abusing us on the door.
So the club owner says to the guy "Look I'm a white guy, I OWN the bar, your'e not coming in"
The racist guy stares at him, and replies "Why are you trying to be black?"
He also told us that he was in a gang called WPWW, White Power World Wide. I told him it sounded like an Internet website, while the other bouncer asked him for $1 for a pie hahaha

Girls sometimes less is best. Acting less like a slut, makes it easier for people to respect you. Coming to the door and acting slutty does not make anyone respect you, neither does it make you look hot. Act like a slut, get treated like a slut. So you don't have to lick your lips, shift your boobs up slowly, give flirty winks, try and brush up against the guys on the door, try and hold our hands, drape yourself over us, blow kisses, try and actually go for kisses on the lips, go downstairs with the bouncer into the club toilets, or any of that stuff. But I know there are bouncers who love that, and thrive off that shit. hahaha Those are the bouncers I know, that look at me and say "Eti, I will NEVER change" Classic "Defiant Slut" attitude.

But your'e not being a slut, your being considerate? hahaha Some of you come to the door, and do the whole "in denial slut" act. Like you try and walk around and act like heaven shines out your ass, but secretly on the low, your sleeping with every guy that's popular. Like Kurupt says in the classic Snoop Dogg song "Ain't no Fun"

"Pass to the homies, now you hit it//
Cause she ain't nothin but a bitch to me//
and y'all know, bitches ain't shit to me//

What's funny, while they are in denial about being a slut, they sing the song out loud when it comes on hahaha Looking at other people like their the slut.

Go home, look in the mirror, and surprise, your a slut.

I guess what I'm saying, just come correct, and everything is all good. Right dress code, right attitude then all good. Ain't no need to act like you don't have manners.

Take care, and look after each other when your out.

But not in a slut way. Unless you like being a slut. hahaha

Eti RedScarf

P.S Sluts are people too, and have feelings and everything. Deep down, even you have a bit of slut in you hahaha

Your not a slut, your just considerate

We all know that in the club, it can be full of sluts at times. In the weekend, I saw one girl, make out with 3 different guys. Not at one time, but at different times during the night. Then she left with a fourth guy at the end of the night.
She's not a slut, she's just considerate. Generous even. Hope all the guys love the taste of  AIDS lol

Most times, its the guys who are acting like sluts, and to some guys, you call them a slut, and they wear that shit like a badge of honour. "In some cultures, being called a slut, is same as being called a king." I don't know what culture that is, but one of my friends said that to me.

What I don't get, is when there is 2 guys and one girl dancing. I seen this quite alot, one guy will be grinding on her ass, the other is grinding on her front. I guess she wasn't being a slut, she was being considerate by sharing all her holes lol That shit don't even look sexy.

I remember one time I was at a club with a good mate of mine when we were approached by this girl.She starts the conversation off by asking us, who did we come with. We both replied that we came with each other. She looks us dead in the eyes and says "Its my fantasy to be fucked by two guys.." Me and my mate start cracking up, Im  laughing, but slowly moving away. Then she admits to sleeping with half of a particular super 15 rugby team.
"I went on a date with one guy, and felt sorry for him, so I gave him a blowjob at the end of the night"

Yiah.... how very considerate of you woman.

I seen in clubs, guys dancing with girls, slow dancing, then just as he pulls her in close, he is looking over her shoulder and smiling at another girl. Fail  Love your girl, and not everyone else's girl lol

One club I was working at, I went to go bathrooms. In this club, the girls toilets door was on my left, the guys on the right, and the disabled toilet was in front of me. A guy is in front of me walking towards the guys toilets, when suddenly the disabled toilets open up. Out walks a girl, then behind her, we both see a guy in the background. The guy who was walking towards the bathroom, stops and looks at the girl and screams out "You fuckin bitch" then he decks her. The guy in the toilet panicks and gets decked as well. I'm standing there in shock when the guy turns around in tears, and looks at me and says "That was my girlfriend with another guy" and runs out crying. I try and help the girl up, her eye starts to swell, funny thing though, something that looked like a pube was hanging out her mouth lol

But before we all start hating on sluts, you all need to realise you all have a bit of slut in you. Some more than others. Even the good girls and good boys, like to get slutty. Some are wiser and choose the right time to be slutty (at home, in bedroom) Some people have one drink, and they turn into instant slut. (by the bar, the dance floor, in the booths, toilets.. etc) Sluts are considerate, because sometimes, sluts give the ugly guy at the bar, a chance. They give the rich guy with no looks, no game, some ass for a few drinks. (Thats when she is tickling your wallet, and your balls buddy)

I have seen so many people get snapped cheating on their partners. One girl was on the door, upset that she had seen her man with another girl. The bouncer then put his arm around her, and looked at her and said in a very caring voice "You should have an affair.. with a bouncer.."  (yes this is the same bouncer who took the girl downstairs for the blow job from Blog number 2 lol)

Haha One of the dirtiest places in the club can be in the DJ booth. Yes, there are girls that have jumped in and hidden underneath the desk to give the DJ's some extra loving. Ain't nothing ugly like seeing the DJ doing his cum facials while trying to mix into the next song lol

Its funny when you see girls, who are hot , that hook up with other girls. Sucks though when she hooks up everyone else in the club, except you. Now she just being a bitch lol

Sluts, they are just misunderstood. If you walk around the club like your the slut whisperer, change your life.

Chapter 3..

People get drunk, high and have a good time in the club, its easy to get "caught up in the moment". There can be so many fails, scandals at clubs, no wonder why most people (people who are ashamed) see me and act like they don't talk to me in person at clubs. It’s quite funny how some people do the "obvious" look away when I stare at them. Then they come to the door and act like we hang like nuts.

Jab yourself.

At one club, I got told by one of the bartenders that he thought something dodgy was happening in the toilets. The toilets in this club, you could easily see over the door to see who is in the cubicle.

I walked into the toilets and looked over the door.

A guy was sitting back on the toilet seat, with the biggest smile in the world. When I looked down to see the girl, I noticed that she had big shoulders, and arms with a lot of definition. That's when I realised it was a drag queen giving head to another guy.

Admittedly, I ran out laughing, and I went up to the front door. I went to the head doorman and asked whether he could lift a patron out of the toilets. He goes down to the toilet and yells out real loud. I hear a guy yell, followed by a male screaming like a female lol. 

The guy comes outside, and is getting angry and swearing at us. His friends notice him getting kicked out and they all ran outside as well. He starts hyping up and his boys start getting angry. I find out, that it’s his stag night, and the whole stag party was now outside. A guy comes down, and asks politely why their friend got kicked out, they wanted to know. He explained that it was his stag, and that the groom was with a chick in the bathroom.

I pointed at the drag that was now sitting down on the seat up from the club, fixing its make up. And said "That is the girl that was giving him head"

The best man looks at the drag and bursts out laughing and tells the rest of the stag.  The grooms face at first, was of shock. 

Then it to turned into realisation, and he ran off. His stag ran after him laughing.

I never saw him ever again. I wonder if he got married.

A lot of scandals happen in the toilet. I remember seeing a NSW rugby legend passed out in urinal. I radioed all the security guys to help me get him out. Most of the guys were Queensland fans and we were all laughing. 


A majority of you would have at one time, had sex, or thought of having sex in the club toilets. That shit is disgusting. Pubes all over the place, piss on the floor, you most likely would of caught something.

I also remember at the end of the night at one of the clubs I worked at, there was a guy passed out in the toilets. Fucked up thing was his pants were down and he had shat all over himself. Me and the other security guards were yelling out and laughing, trying to wake him up without touching him. I threw a glass of water on him and he woke up. He looks up, apologises and pulls his pants up. We nearly spew as he walks past us. We follow him out of our club, he turns the corner, and joins the line of another club.

Fucked up thing, he made it inside the next club hahaha No lies. 

  

Remember, we see it all, girlfriends cheating on boyfriends, boyfriends being sluts. The best one was my mate, outside telling me he is going to be a better man to his wife. He was going to be a loyal husband from here on out, and that thing's were different now. Couple hours later I see him sandwich in between two girls. He has his arms stretched out, and his face looked like he was in a state of true bliss. Then he opened them and saw me, and ran off. Hahahaha Musicians aye lol We still laugh about it now. I think he is only a slut when he see's me lol 


And don't think its just you that fail, bouncers fail too.. and some, fail miserably. I worked with this guy, and he literally had every girl after him. But he was a freak, and was quite open about it. A dwarf walks into the club, and sits by him. They start drinking, 15 mins later he has her on his lap and he is bouncing her up and down.


No lies, the next night at work, he started describing to us the sex they had hahaha And he was a GIANT compared to her hahaha

We all fail, its all good, blame it on the liquor, blame it on that time of the month, blame it on your hoe tendencies, blame it on your boner. Your not a full time slut, just a part time slut.

Remember, love your wife, and not everybody else's wife. 

Change your life.


Eti RedScarf

Fail club hoe

If the story applies to you. Control your mind, and change your life.

Slut.

Reminder, this is a True Story. (club name and parties involved will not be named.. Just ask me in person and I will tell you bahaha)

So im standing on the door at work with 2 bouncers. The club is packed and there is a long line outside. Also, that night, there is a $50 cover charge on the door.

As Im staring off into space because Im bored at work, I hear the bouncer next to me say "Fuck off... But ask that bouncer there" and he points towards me while he is giggling.

This girl walks up to me smiling CONFIDENTLY. I say to her "whats up?"
She looks at me directly in the eyes and replies

"If I take you down stairs and suck you off, can you let me in for free plus my three mates?"

I crack up thinking it's a joke, but she still stands there, smiling confidently, waiting for an answer. I look at her and tell her

"fuck HELL no.. But go talk to that bouncer over there" as I point towards my head doorman.

She kinda shrugs her shoulders and walks towards him, still smiling confidently.

Me and the first bouncer start giggling and pretend not to stare.

I don't hear there EXACT conversation but I suddenly see my head doorman, nod his head, and hold her hand, as he lead her downstairs into the club.
At this point me and the other bouncer are looking at each other, pissing our pants laughing.I remember laughing so hard, it literally hurt lol.

15 mins later she walks out looking happy and waits outside. The head doorman not long, walks out. At this point she asks out aloud "So, I can get my friends in now?"

The head doorman, with a face of disgust replies (quiet loudly)
"That was the worst blow job I ever had, that was so shit, I'm only got let you in and ONE friend. The rest have to pay the cover charge"

Me, the other bouncer, and the whole line outside breaks out in laughter. She looks across to her friends, then looks back at the head doorman and starts yelling at him. The head doorman, just shakes his head and walks back into the club.

(Remember, this is a TRUE story)

So we are outside laughing at her, while she stands there arguing with everyone. The head doorman returns in the space of 5 mins, and yells at her

"You forgot these, you useless slut"

And he throws her panties in the middle of the side walk. At this point, everyone falls over laughing. She gets so embarrased, that she storms off across the road.

(And it still doesn't end here, remember, this is a TRUE story)

So some time has passed, and we are no longer really laughing about it anymore. The line has gotten much smaller. Suddenly in the corner of my eye, I notice a guy staring at the panties on the ground. I tap the bouncer, and tell him to keep an eye on the guy. Then, suddenly the guy bends over and pretends to tie his shoe lace. He quickly picks up the panties and walks towards the back of our line.

At this point we are falling over each other laughing. The guy doesn't notice us laughing and looking. The guy then pulls the panties out of the side of his jacket and gives them a discreet SNIFF!!! hahahaha

This is a true story.

The girl never returned to the club, but her friends still came down in the following weeks and even laughed with us about the story. I still see that guy who picked up the panties walking round the streets to this day... Yiah, he has NEVER been allowed into any club I work at lol

So whats the moral of the story?

Is it, "not to trust the bouncer"?

"Don't leave your panties in the club toilets?"

"Just pay the cover charge?"

"Don't EVER smile confidently before you perform FAIL oral sex?"

There are many lessons that you can learn from this. She was a FAIL for asking and expecting things to be sorted over an ORAL agreement lol But then again, that bouncer was what I like to call "The Wolf in sheeps clothing" haha

Just remember, girls you don't have to lower your standards (and morals, ethics etc) JUST to get into a club. Its just a club okay. Nothing else special lol

If you read this and feel that I am talking to you, then please, Change your life you slut. Aids and STD's is funny.. until your at the doctors asking for some special cream for that rash lol

Slut.




Eti RedScarf